hopelessgemini

(originally posted to pillowfort)


i've been thinking about daemonism and how it relates to my alterhumanity a lot recently. if i wasn't alterhuman in some other way - just a daemian - i don't think i'd consider myself part of the alterhuman community, and i've known that for a while, but i can't really explain why. i'd say it's probably related to my system and the blurry line between daemonism and plurality; i'm one of the four main hosts of a traumagenic sys currently pursuing final fusion, and i don't consider my plurality to be a factor in my alterhuman identity either. obviously this is just me, i don't expect everyone to feel the same!

we all talk about alterhumanity and autism, alterhumanity and mental health, and so on. in that way, i think i view my alterhumanity and daemonism as linked - at first i started talking to my daemon, telamon, as a way to balance out my internal dialogue and rationalise my thoughts. telamon as an individual is too wise for his own good, gentle, patient, and (in the best way possible) kind of a passive aggressive smug asshole at times. i thought his personality would be different at first, but he surprised me. he doesn't talk often, but one time he told me he thinks in adverbs, whatever that means.  most commonly he takes the form of a great tit and sometimes an otter, depending on what we're doing. he is more than an imaginary friend - he is an extension of myself, to a degree. 

on the 'kin side of things, there are a couple of kintypes i picked up back when i was first discovering alterhumanity that i thought were copinglinks at first before i realised that no, i'm just some guy who is catra and wednesday addams as a side hustle. and also a massive fuckin dog, apparently. there's a really interesting video by goblin queen lila about her thoughts on therianthropy as a trauma response and i have to agree with a lot of her points - back when i first realised i was queer i immediately started latching onto that identity as a focal point (which isn't a bad thing!) and i can definitely see myself doing the same with my alterhumanity now. i just made a 28-page document compiling all the resources i could find, for g-d's sake. and the autism thing - i know logically that my body is one people perceive as human, but in my head i'm just a great big grey husky, you know? the people around me certainly don't see me as one of them, and i don't know how to Be one of them either. i'm just here. being human came with a rulebook and i was never given it, but people insist on using it against me all the time.

if you managed to read this far, i don't think it'll come as a surprise to hear that i think of my alterhumanity as purely psychological. there's a fair chance this'll change over time, but i've lived as a very confused autistic for long enough to know how much it plays a part in my identity. i think that daemonism and alterhumanity deal with very different aspects, though - it's like. not every husky has a small animal companion who sits on their shoulder and watches them type things with a distinct air of snootiness, you know? for some these things are connected, and for some they're part of the same broader experience, but for me they aren't.